So recently I've been on a slew unsuccessful dates. Generally I define an unsuccessful date as any where my companion seems scared for his life, yells me at about Keynesian economics, I accuse him of hating women, of hating poor people, of being racist, and lastly any date in which we debate the merits of a two state solution. So, in an attempt not to die alone, I've made a list of things I should avoid doing and/or saying on a first date in hopes that one day I may have a successful date that leads to a second date. Here goes...
Things not to discuss
1. My feminism
2. Health Care reform (single payer or any other proposal, past or present, passed or failed)
3. My views on Israel
4. Politics in general
5. The need for more insurance companies to cover birth control 100%
6. Insurance company’s policy on Viagra coverage
7. Health care in general
8. STD’s (don’t ask if they have any or offer that you have none, not a good look)
9. The future
10. The past
11. OTPHJ (over the pants hand job)
12. UTPHJ (under the pants hand job)
13. HJ’s in general
14. One night stands (internet facilitated or otherwise)
15. Funny stories involving black out drinking
16. Funny stories involving semen (or seamen)
17. Funny stories involving eventual arrests
18. Stealing sketchers from Macy’s
19. Hatred of animals
20. Hatred of babies
21. God
22. Hillary Clinton
23. Bill Clinton
24. Sweat/potential gland problem
25. Hot flashes
26. Job/hatred of it/lack there of
27. Stories about roommates
28. Rape (legitimate or otherwise)
Things you can talk about
1. Puppies (omit the fact that you don’t like them)
2. Football (pick a team and look them up on the internet, then on the date pretend you support them)
3. Rainbows
4. Michelle Obama (DO NOT BRING UP BARACK)
Things not to do
1. Sleep with them
2. HJ’s (why is this a theme...)
3. Pay
4. Get too drunk
Things to do
1. Be pretty
2. Be skinny
3. Be confidently coy while simultaneously endearing and inviting.
